Memoirs

These memoirs were the inspiration for my later short stories, and were the real turning point between writing to describe and writing to reflect. As the prompts slowly changed, I was asked to look more at myself, and what I found, I also realized I needed to change. As a Junior in college thinking about first jobs and first paychecks, it's time to take a moment, and to realize what really matters so that I can enjoy the moments that will never come again.

As a member of Alpha Kappa Psi Professional Business Fraternity, each semester we have a rush event. We talk to students who wish to join us and try to find the next 20 people in our pledge class from the enormous crowd of people that show up at our door. As I taped this interaction and played it back to myself hours later, I started to realize how superficial it all seemed. We role played adults and networked selectively, but it all seemed such a joke, and I'm left wondering whether it was all necessary.

Hearing myself back on this recording and forcing myself to translate this into a memoir has made me write down all the points that I now find so trivial. When I read it out loud, it seemed even more irrelevant still. I recorded other peoples' reactions, but I remember myself doing similar things not so long ago.

Writing it down, categorizing it, and seeing the similarities and differences in this piece have shown me who I have become and where I am going. Whether or not I want to continue on that path is another memoir.

This is a continuation of the reflection started by the recording and tries to look back on my life and find the most important parts for me. What I realize is that so much of my life is spent rushing off to the next event, and worrying about the future, that I've left very little time for the present.

When I first started this memoir, I had very little idea how it was all going to turn out. I recounted my past from the beginning like I have always thought of it, as a means to an end, and hardly remembered. But then I moved backwards in time from where I am now and picked out all the little details that truly make the moment.

As I've thought about all the different stages of my life, certain memories stand out above others, and I realize that it's these moments that really last forever. It isn't necessarily the day I got into college or my first job. It's about looking up at the campus and seeing the leaves change color, it's about getting ice cream with friends and having it melt all over your hands.

In a rush to move on, I've forgottten to live now. As I recount my past, I'm really trying to hold on to those memories as a lesson to myself to enjoy what's right here, right now.

As I've realized the importance of enjoying the moment, another lesson has been knocking on the backdoor, one that's a little more difficult to swallow.

In the race to be the next success story, to secure the next job, to reach the next level, I've become caught up in a stampede of people all going in the same direction. Our careers ask us to choose a certain lifestyle and follow certain codes, but what if I don't want to be just the agent?

My memoirs moved from awareness of self, to awareness of present, and has now centered on awareness of what I want my future to be. By asking these questions, I have more objectively viewed my environment, and asked if this is the right place for me.

The interesting thing is that even though I'm questioning my placement, I still stand by where I am. I don't know enough of the world to say whether this is the one path for me, but I believe that I, at all times, have the ability to determine my own future as long as I am openminded and have the courage to enact change.

This memoir has asked me to evaluate my own life direction, and while I can't guarantee it's the right one, at least I'm on the lookout.

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